School starts tomorrow, taking a digital film and photography class among other things :) I’ve been on a “Couch to 5k” workout plan, it’s pretty funny because the first day beat the shit out me… turns out I was on a full run when you were supposed to just jog haha. I’ve gotten a lot off my chest today so things aren’t looking too bad anymore. Although I had a massive break-out on my face the past two days, it happens when I’m stressed D:< But I’m guessing it’s gonna clear up again soon enough. All in all, life’s starting to look pretty nice. Just one more little thing to do and all of this is past me.
"Fuck it let’s hit the club, I rarely sip but pour me some.
Cause when it’s all said and done, I ain’t gonna be the one she can always run to.
I hate liars, fuck love, I’m tired of trying.
My heart big but it beat quiet."
"Somehow i know in the future you'll realize how much you i truly love you, i know that i may have made the wrong choices and i know i may have made you upset, but nothing can ever change the fact that you are the only one i will ever want to be with."
I love you. Not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday. Right now, at this very moment. I need you, I trust you, I want you. And you can be wrong most of the time, and we can fight, but nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you.
I’m really starting to regret writing all this stuff on my various tumblrs and putting my business out there. I mean, the fact that I know that there will be certain people reading everything I write… that’s not really cool. Because although some of it is really personal stuff, too many people read it so it no longer simply my business, but a lot of others too. I want to keep these sort of things to myself and let the certain people read it, when need be. Because I swear some of you stalk me day and night to read the shit that’s going through my mind and there’s something wrong with that. Because unless I lay it down for you, you don’t fucking know the full picture. So you assume, thinking this and that. And I don’t want that, a lot of this will be directed to one or two people and when you assume you know who its for or what my relationship with that person is, then everything is blown out of the water, because you don’t know. I don’t have a million best friends who know almost everything about me. I don’t even need a full hand to count those people, so don’t pretend you know me or what’s going on from what you read. You’d be pretty. fucking. stupid. This is why I’ve blocked my nerdglasses page from everyone because 1. I’m writing things now that aren’t directed to anyone and aren’t really my thoughts on things; it’s all stuff for me and me alone. And 2. You people assume. I realized I don’t need to be judged by my whatever actions I’ve done on some site where no one really knows anything about me; because there is literally less than 5 people who know everything. So I really don’t want people to have any access to it right now. You don’t know what happened in my past and you don’t know what’s going on right now, so please leave my business out of your mouths and just move along. Generally speaking, if you think this concerns you, it probably does. All you people who assume you know what’s going on with me, you know who you are.
On that note I want to thank all of my followers on here, you guys are really great and I’m glad most of you have stuck around, I’m going through a small little rocky road at the moment, beginning of school always gives me some stress in one way or another. But also there are things I need to deal with on my own right now so I’m a little on edge. Eh, I’ll make it through though :)
“I’ve had to say goodbye more times than I would’ve liked. But, everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even when it’s for the greater good..it still stinks. And though we’ll never forget what we’ve given up, we owe to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can’t do is..living our lives always afraid for the next goodbye. Because, chances are..they’re not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing; when it’s a chance to start again.”—Ugly Betty (via nyckoldelasol, raindropsonredroses) (via playdirty) (via ly55flipz)
This hurts a lot. I really want nothing to do with any of this at the moment. I don’t need to use tumblr, I don’t need to use facebook, I don’t need to use twitter, or anything else. If I quit using all these things for awhile, there’s nothing left that reminds me of anything I don’t want to think about. Pretty simple. Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do. I’m still waiting on my memory card though.
My personal tumblr is strictly personal for the time being. It was something I wrote for myself and actual people that cared to read, but right now, no one needs to read what I write besides me. So I’m just gonna focus on my schoolwork, my films, my photography, and most importantly: myself. Don’t really know what else to do. I guess I’ll be around.
I’m that type of person that bottles up everything. Mainly to show that I’m strong and that I’m able to handle the situation. But at night, it goes straight to the heart. And I’ve always been like this. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, but at night, I’m able to completely let go..
That’s all I ask. It’s incredible how hard that truly is. Almost everyone has expectations and standards that they want you to live up to. But the people who do fully understands and loves you… those people are irreplaceable.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.
Seeing as Saturday was cut short because of my car being towed, we really wanted to use the entire day on Sunday to finish up the pictures. This was also partly because I had to leave Monday afternoon because my parents needed me back in Florida ( turns out they didn’t, but that’s a whole different blog)
So we woke up early went to church, went back home to sleep a little more, and headed off to pick up balloons and headed to the park.
Huff park was really awesome, since it was so large, there were so many different “locations” all in one place. After we got a large amount of portraits we decided to mount the camera on a tripod and take pictures together. Which was an incredible fail in every way.
While attempting to do a jumping shot, My clocks me in the face. A very painful but hilarious moment. So after that we went and ate at Subways for lunch, went home to rest and let the sun go down so we could get a nice sunset for the lighting.
After several times trying to do a “floating away” shot, it was clear that My had no ups and we gave up on the idea. LOL<3
After the long, itchy shoot in the fields, we were both exhausted and ready to go home. So we left, changed clothes, and went to get some chinese food.
It was too late to dine in at the restaurant since they were closing for the night, so we took it home. The food was ehhh, mostly because we came really late so they weren’t still cooking anymore. Of course every chinese restaurant will have fortune cookies :)
My’s fortune said “Your present plans are going to succeed” which was funny because
mine said I had to change my plans. Haha. I argued that she took my cookie and I took hers.
And the rest of the night we just edited photos. Which is pretty hard when you’re really tired haha. After we decided to call it a night and My went upstairs to her room, I had a lot of trouble sleeping, knowing the fact that I had to leave the next day. :/ The 4th and final day I was in G.R. will be posted up soon.
So yesterday was my second day visiting My Nguyen here in Michigan. I painstakingly drove 18 hours to visit this woman so we could see each other again after meeting for the first time a year ago in California and also to take her senior pictures :) The first day I was too tired to do any picture taking so we just cruised around town and watched Charlie St. Cloud. Pretty good movie, actually.
So on Saturday we left on a trip to Chicago :) After a 3 hour drive, mostly because we got lost and couldn’t find downtown, and there were way too many cars and people, we did a little sightseeing.
And who goes to Chicago without seeing the famous metal bean?! We took a lot of pictures around town, felt super hungry so we looked for a place to eat.
We decided to go to this nice place for some sushi. It was extremely good and inexpensive, definitely recommend.
Her eyes are so large when surprised<3
The cool ass menu, it took about 10 minutes to be seated though, since all the tables were full.
Sipping on water and looking what to order :)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMM, super good sushi. My got the spider roll and I got the crunchy spicy tuna. We ended up switching because we like each others more haha
But then… our day in chi-town turned for the worst, I had parked by a meter specifically on the day you weren’t allowed to park there because of an art fair or something. We started walking back to the car to refill the meter for another two hours and the car was nowhere to be seen. Turns out it got towed while we were eating and we had to walk to the impound, pay 160 dollars to get the car, and there’s still a 60 dollar fine that I have to pay later on. Needless to say that ruined the day and we decided to just start driving back because we barely had any money for gas, seeing as I needed money to drive back to Florida in a couple days. But we wanted some more pictures, so on the way back we stopped at a place on the highway and took some very nice sunset shots, which will be posted up later on my photography page. Well I’m off on another adventure today, will do photo blog about today’s activites tonight
Crushing on someone usually amplifies your feelings about them. They’re basically controlling your mood. When you talk to them, and you’re having a nice conversation, you’re happy. When you talk to them, and they just seem like they don’t really want to talk to you, then you feel crappy. For me, having just a little crush does this. I can easily get jealous of someone else talking to my crush in some manner. It just sucks, cause you end up being crushed. Hey, you’re even aware that nothing will happen, and yet, you’re still in like with that one person.